Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Ya Allah...I initially wanted to write about something else. But I just read the dreaded e-mail.

Ok. I don't even know what I am feeling now.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Checked my son's temperature and it's 39 degrees celcius. Mind you, that's using the cheap thermometer, the strip that you place on the forehead. I'm pretty sure the accurate measurement is higher.

The good thing is, he's still active. I diluted his medicine in his drink, but he didn't finish it. Since, he's already fast asleep, I put a tablet up into his ass. So, now, I'm waiting for him to cool down a bit.

My son is so prone to fever and febrile fit. He would get fever every 2-3 months. Once he gets the congested nose, it would take about 2 weeks to completely recover. He seriously takes after his Daddy.

My second born is like me. Rarely gets sick. Even though she's a baby, she didn't get fever that high. She also had runny nose yesterday, but she's already better today! Must be the same bug, since they are together all the time, but different immune system.

My son sleeps hugging his Daddy, literally under his ketiak. Besides rubbing Vicks onto my son's chest, I also put some under my husband's armpit, haha. Hopefully, my son could breathe better. My husband is not aware, but he's gonna be confused tomorrow- why is his left trunk feel sticky.

My husband came last Tuesday. I didn't tell the children that he's coming home. I was putting Baby H to sleep. Abang K was with his cousin in their grandmother's room.

I wish I recorded the look on Abang K's face when he barged into my room, whispering loudly (because Baby H was sleeping, but Abang K was really excited)-
Mommy! Mommy! Daddy datang! Daddy datang!
(He saw the car from my Mother's window)

He was running, jumping, so excited and happy...
The noise woke Baby H up too.

Abang K quickly ran downstairs and helped me look for the key.

I pretended, "Betulke Daddy? Orang lain kot...Macam mana Abang K tahu?"

That put him off a bit. Plus, my husband didn't immediately went out from the car. "Mana Daddy?"

Then, he saw my husband and the joy burst! He salam and kissed and hugged his father. Such genuine love...

He suddenly had so much energy, giggling, talking, running and jumping, exactly like an excited puppy seeing his favourite mailman. Haha. So cute.

The little girl was smiling too. She recognized my husband immediately and wanted him to carry her.

Aaahhh...I'm blessed.

But my husband is leaving again tomorrow.

And...I just checked my son- He is not so hot anymore. Lega sikit, I boleh tidur...

Monday, December 19, 2016

I think I'm such an introvert, that it bugs me when the item I want is not available online.

DM/ PM/ Whatsapp...
Stock baru sampai...Hanya terdapat di butik...

No! I just want to choose and pay myself! Why can't you create an online shop! Why can't you put the available stocks online!

I'm annoyed because I can't buy that item today. Just because I am too stubborn to Whatsapp that number.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Yesterday, Mother was assessed by doctors from two different centres.

It turned out that her condition isn't too serious, thank God.

Anyway, I'm glad that even though it was a bit of a scare, Mother went through a pleasant experience. From the way she talked, I know the doctors treated her well. She kept praising them. The procedures went smoothly.

The first one, didn't even charge her- totally FOC.

I suspect it's because Mother mentioned that one of us siblings is a doctor. Mother usually doesn't tell, unlike my Arwah Father, he would tell whenever he had the chance.

Mother deserves to be treated nicely. I think she is blessed. She is a nice lady and she has been consistently and steadily improves her ibadah. I wish I could become like her.

I hope Allah will always protect my parents.

I must always give good service to my clients, if not the best, so people would treat my parents nicely. I don't care if people treat me badly, just not my parents, Mother especially, since she's the one who is still alive. Sebab dia memang orang baik-baik.

I just wanna say...If I did good, and Tuhan nak balas dengan kebaikan to me, I pray that my reward goes to her instead. That's how I much love and appreciate her.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

I can't bring myself to watch videos about Syria. Actually, I probably watched only one or two short videos since the war started.

I feel so bad that I can't do much to help.

At the same time, I'm grateful that my kids don't have to go through it.

I pray for you.
I've spent the last few days melayan a 3-year-old and a 9-month-old.

Baby H is a good girl. She's the typical second child who is loved and so well behaved. She's at that age when she is easily distracted and I could give her to the maid whenever I want to. She's fine. My maid can feed her and make her nap.

Abang K is older, hence, he has his own opinions. He NEVER lets the maid do anything to him. So, dia melekat je lah dengan I. I make him take his bath, feed him, play with him, talk to him...

I think I'm a good mother in terms of layaning my children (not so good in other areas).

I always answer my son's questions no matter how ridiculous his questions are, no matter how many times he asks. I play pretend with him. I take interest in what his current obsessions are- trains, Thomas and his friends, we watch videos on Youtube on repeat and he laughs at the same old jokes.

Just now, I took a shower.
Wow, I am amazed that I'm so patient with him. This wasn't me years ago.

Then, I thought:
He better take good care of me when I'm old and have dementia or Alzheimers. He better be patient with me and answer my questions. When I forget, he has to remember that I used to entertain his silly questions over and over again.

Now, I understand when my husband keeps reminding my son when bringing him to the mosque:
"Nanti, bila Daddy dah tua, Abang K pulak kena bawa Daddy pergi masjid ye..."

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Something big is happening in my life.
I was so depressed, I stopped contacting my friends. I didn't think I could face the world.

When my friends asked me out, I thought about turning it down. But, for how long more shall I hide?

I was very anxious even days before the meeting. I had to pull myself together before I left my car.

I'm usually a pretty confident person, but that event had crushed me.

Somehow, facing the world wasn't so bad. In fact, I went out with my friends again.

I got better.

I started replying messages again.

Yesterday, a friend asked me to confirm my attendance to a school reunion.

I told her...I told her how I felt, and how I seriously thought I needed professional help to deal with my mental and emotional health.

"I was devastated," I said.
She said she understood. Because she saw her husband went through that period. Her husband got out of it successfully eventually, "And so will you," she wished.

-----

I didn't expect this. It was such a big blow because I didn't have a back up plan.

Since I got married, I stopped having close friends that I talked to, that I can share things with.

I have my husband, but he wasn't so understanding- not his fault, we are just different people.

So, I felt really lonely.
That's why I was going crazy.

-----

Note to myself:
Stay strong. God's plans are best.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Two 8-year-old girls were having a conversation.

Girl A: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Girl B: A Youtuber!
Girl A: Why?
Girl B: Subscribers!

I asked her 17-year-old sister- "Does she really want to be a Youtuber?"

Is that even a valid job?
Wow, I can't imagine how teachers read their pupils' ambitions nowadays.

Me: Is that what you write when your teacher asks about your ambition?
Girl B: That is my first ambition. Cita-cita kedua saya nak jadi dentist.

Okay.

-----

Me: Awak dapat nombor berapa?
Girl: Number 2.
Me: Wow! Wait. Which class are you in?
Girl: The last one.
Me: Bolehlah...

Me: How many people are in your class?
Girl: 30.
Me: 30 je?
Girl: Yes. And only 4 girls.
Me: How many classes?
Girl: 5.
Me: Lima je? Sikitnya! MRSM lagi banyak kelas.

Girl: Saya dapat hadiah peningkatan prestasi juga.
Me: Oh. Okay. That's good. So, next year masuk kelas mana?
Girl: Kelas number 3.
Me: Okay. So, you lompat 2 kelas! Girl, kiranya Girl ni hebatlah juga.

Girl: Hebat tu apa?
Me: (-___-) Hebat tu- Awesome!

-----

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I eat because I'm hungry. I have to eat to produce breastmilk. And, I hate to see wasted food.

Sometimes, I whine to my husband that I'm hungry or craving for something.

Last weekend, we had lunch. Then, at 6pm, my husband had ice cream while I ordered pasta. At 8pm, we were ordering dinner.

Then, my husband said: You ni banyak makan lah.

Why was he pointing this out? Am I getting fat now?

Today, I asked him.

Me: Abang, I gemuk ke?
Him: Perut gemuk.
Me: What! Is that how you answer me? Wrong answer!
Him: Haha. Kuruslah...
Me: I cantik tak?
Him: Cantik.

So, I have love handles. They are not easy to get rid of, okay!

Perhaps I should eat less.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

I am thinking of sending my son to a school next year. He is going to be 4 soon- still baby talks! Stutter pun ada juga.

Anyway, about the school, I am keen to choose the one who has the most playtime. I'm only gonna be a tiger mom when he's older. Haha.

But I know, I would end up choosing the most convenient one- nearest to home or has bus service. I wish we had a driver. Sigh.

And...I think I will be the kind of mom who people look down at. Because I would most probably just pack a mini box of cereal or fry some fish fingers/ sausages/ chips for my kid.

I'm feeling the pressure already! Haha. Suka hatilah...You can judge me all you want, but I don't think I am a bad mom. At least, I am not that badddd!